Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Lies to fix lies to fix lies

I feel manic, I literally didn't sleep a wink last night and I'm at work right now in a fog. I'm dizzy, nauseous, super quiet. There is such a physical impact from living under such stressful circumstances.

This morning my husband tried to tell me he lied when he confessed. I got teary and told him that it doesn't really matter, the whole situation just doesn't pass the smell test. It's inappropriate and totally disrespectful. He doesn't remember much of what he said or did last night.

I plan to leave work early to go home and get some rest once he is gone. I'm not taking his calls, I don't want to see him or speak to him. I don't want to see my son or speak to him either. I just want this all to be over. There are moments when I feel almost suicidal...or maybe I am just looking for some kind of lasting relief from this ongoing drama, trauma and addiction cycle. Weirdly, I sometimes wonder if you can't beat'em, join'em doesn't apply here?

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