I have had some better days lately, my husband finally got a job. I'm relieved. He has gone back on the wagon, trying very hard again. It is so hard to have faith in this difficult journey. However, as always, there is a bitter aftertaste to accompany some rare good news.
My son has gotten a lot more stealth about his heroin use. I deluded myself into thinking that he was maybe trying to not use. I was wrong.
He woke up this morning, went into the bathroom and made a phone call. Twenty minutes later he said he had to go to the store, I watched off my balcony...he never left the building but I saw the car I have suspected is dealing him heroin pull out of our visitor's parking. My son still didn't leave the building, and didn't return to our apartment. On a hunch, I went downstairs to the gym bathroom and found him using in the women's washroom, locked in stall. I saw the strap, the needle, the cup, the water holder, everything and begged him not to use. He literally just looked in my eyes and pretended I wasn't there. I told him I love him and that I would help him, he didn't need to live this way. He still wouldn't budge, show any emotion, nothing...so I walked away.
My son is a sick young man, I miss him and I'm so scared for him. I am just broken hearted....he may very well die from this, and that may not take long.
Fuck........! What is it about addicts, even when someone is looking right at them using, they still deny.