I have been awake all night again, feeling quite exhausted but I unable to sleep. I plan on getting dressed and leaving for work soon. More selfish antics over the last several days from my dear, sweet addicts. I will walk out that door and pretend I am just fucking great, playing the "normal" game at work, maybe chat with some friends, might even go out for lunch with the girls, I won't utter a word of truth, I will live to fake it another day.
Husband has disappeared again, took the car and drove away impaired. However, not before he called my son's girlfriend and harassed my son several times. Son left to visit his girlfriend who goes to school out of town for a few days and didn't hear from him for 5 days until last night. Such selfishness on both their parts, like father like son. Not a care or consideration for another human being in this world for the consequences of their "habit".
So, I blog, I wander the apartment all night, I stress, and on and on we go. What an awesome circle of dysfunction we live in...it is really quite remarkable that 3 very intelligent, seemingly normal people all live in this alternative dimension of addiction, pain, deception and not one of us will show our hand of cards, we'd all rather just live in the pain than change a single thing.
I recognize that I am as addicted to the addicts as they are to their drug / drink of choice. It really is interesting how I have become addicted too, to nothing pleasurable mind you, but addicted none the less.